Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Grimace; but Always Say Thank You

I woke up with a rather spectacular migraine spike this morning. I've been having more of them, and a new kind at that, recently. It's been really frustrating, especially as the last three months or so I've been pretty much in free fall in terms of number of good days I have. The vertigo I started getting in 2014 is getting a lot more so, and only a few days a month can I really go a whole day without it getting in the way at all. Add to that starting in November a new type of migraine on top of the others, and I'm in a lovely mood.

Yesterday I was griping to myself as I was curled up in the fetal position on the couch again that one of the things I hate most about the vertigo is that the only method of dealing with it that I have been given right now is to drug myself so that I don't register what is being felt. But that means that my functionality has gone to pot, as being made to not register what my brain is feeling makes it pretty difficult to be able to register or accomplish much of anything else. I was bemoaning to myself that with the severe migraines, at least there were times when I could just grit my teeth and take two more steps than were at all felt to be possible. Even if I "fell" and ended up with only one, at least I'd done something; or at the very basic level, I'd been able to try.

Cue this morning and the migraine spikes that had me curled up crying on the kitchen floor before breakfast. (That really distressed my dog Gilbert. He tried to make me better by licking my face and nuzzling me for about 5 minutes.)

After about 9AM, I decided that since it was obvious the pain wasn't going to be going away, but I had any amount of brain function, I made myself get up and try to do something. I ended up managing to sweep some of the floors in parts of the house. I didn't get it all done, and ended up needing to rest with an ice pack around my shoulders and gatorade to drink, but I did get a tiny bit of something done. The 15 years of intractable migraine, and my 29 years of just living with pain have made it so that occasionally, I can do something.

It's rewarding, seeing myself having gotten something done when the pain's so bad; especially as it's so rare I can. But when I can, I'm grateful, and need to remember to say thank you for the successes I can have. 

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