Friday, April 22, 2016

showing true

I haven't posted in ages because, even as my migraines have been become slightly less 100% front and center in my mind, I've started having episodes of confusion. My brain will stop wanting to be able to make the connections, or else I can't find the words for what I can be thinking inside my head. I've always thought in meaning, not words, sounds, or reading type methods, so I can't rely on that much to help. It's incredibly frustrating that I can get into a great discussion with somebody, and then even halfway through my own sentence, I'll completely lose the thread. It's just... gone ...

For that reason, I'e been finding it incredibly difficult, frustrating, and frankly embarrassing to try and edit the novel I wrote in 'o9 or write journal/blog entries. I didn't want to have the break off of thought be so obvious and have whatever I was trying to express cut short. I always prided myself on the quality of my writing, especially back in school when there was more of a continued audience for it.

However, it was pointed out to me yesterday that here, this blog, I wanted to show and discuss migraines as they affected my life and just show a snapshot of what it is like for me. And the abrupt loss of train of thought actually is a very important aspect of what has been occurring recently. I don't need to try and gloss over or not let that show as much as any other part of my life.

Therefore, in future entries, which I am going to try and be posting much more frequently, there may be times when, mid-sentence, the post will end. That's because that's what was written, and that's all that needs to be posted. I don't want to hide my confusional migraines anymore, because I'm aware that I am not the only one going through situations like this. While mine might be a unique combination, letting it be seen and read by other migraine sufferers who are dealing with the same, or similar problems, don't need to think that they're having an abnormal, one-off experience.

I live by the phrase I found in a book years ago; Quantum in me fuit, which roughly translates to "I did the best I could."
That's what I want to be able to share - my best, whatever that may end up looking like at that moment.

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